CMO 115: Rain on the Windowpane!

 

☕ Coffee Break Reflection — “Rain on the Windowpane”

Today feels like one of those soft, steady rainy days from my childhood in southern California—the kind where I would stand at the window and watch the drops fall in a slow, rhythmic dance. The rain always seemed to wash the dust from the earth, refresh the air, and then move on—eastward, northward—eventually becoming snow before turning back into rain again.

I can still hear the quiet questions that used to rise in my young mind: Why does the rain fall? Where does the storm go when it leaves here? How much life does it destroy… and how much does it renew? What do the animals do when the rain doesn’t stop? How do they protect themselves?

Those were the days before girlfriends, marriage, children, divorce, friendships, work, loss, and all the complicated chapters that come with adulthood. Life was simpler then—but not necessarily easier.

Just different.

And now here I am, in my mid‑60s.

Mid‑60s!

It is both a joy and a surprise to have made it this far. Sometimes I wonder why God didn’t take me sooner, considering the years wasted in sin or the seasons that felt like a wasted life. What have I truly accomplished?

I am not a model Catholic. I failed at marriage. I failed my children in ways that still ache. I disappointed my parents more times than I want to admit. I’m sure my siblings—whom I love dearly—have felt that disappointment too. I was my own worst enemy, always getting in my own way.

And I allowed others to take advantage of me because I mistook that for love—the kind of love I thought Jesus wanted us to have for one another. But that wasn’t love. It was something else entirely.

The hardest love of all was loving myself.

Loving God, Our Lady, the angels, the saints, and even those who hurt me—that came naturally. But loving myself? That took decades.

Thankfully, grace has done its work.

I can still hear the rain tapping against the windowpane. What a beautiful sound it makes. My mother loved the rain too. I suppose that’s one more way I am my mother’s son. May she rest in peace.

This reflection isn’t meant to be negative. It’s more like a map—a look at what was, what is, and what can still be redeemed. A reminder that anything good in me is not by my own merit but by the grace of God. Without Him, I am nothing but an unworthy sinner. With Him, I am made worthy by the Cross of Christ.

It is His love and mercy that carry me forward.

I still remember what a priest once told me in the confessional:

“Don’t worry about the past anymore.” Well said!

Yes, I failed in many ways—from the moment I understood right from wrong until now. But that does not mean I am unloved, defeated, or a failure. Because "I AM" not.

Did you notice the words “I AM” before “not”?

That is how God named Himself to Moses. It reminds me that God is before me, with me, and ahead of me. “I AM” is the One I will walk with until the day He says, “Welcome home, my good and faithful servant.”

That is my goal now.

And in the meantime, I will love and serve as many neighbors as I can—quietly or loudly—bringing the love and mercy of the Lord to their hearts, one coffee cup at a time.

Let’s coffee break.

AWAS! (Always with a smile!)