CMO 59: I'm Sorry Nephew

 

Today's entry is dedicated to my nephew, Anthony Leiva (d.2022), my brother in Christ, Alex Di Carlo (d.1984), my son Joshua (b.1994), and my brother Manuel (b.1974). All of whom have been touched by this terrible evil. Two were successful in their attempts. One is working through his current reality and the last is happily married. Praise God.

Eternal rest grant unto (him), O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon (him). May the souls of all the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen

Such a terrible tragedy to lose a child, in this case, an adult child, in the manner that my dear sister lost her son. I can't even begin to fathom the enormous pain and sorrow she is experiencing as a mother. Dear God. Touch the deepest part of my sister's heart where the pain and sorrow are greatest and let your love and mercy be her hope and comfort. Amen."

According to AFSP (American Foundation for Suicide Prevention) website:

1. Suicide is the 12th leading cause of death in the U.S.
2. In 2020, 45,979 Americans died by suicide.
3. In 2020, there were an estimated 1.20M suicide attempts.
4. The age-adjusted suicide rate in 2020 was 13.48 per 100,000 individuals.
5. The rate of suicide is highest in middle-aged white men.
6. In 2020, men died by suicide 3.88 times more than women.
7. On average, there are 130 suicides per day.
8. White males accounted for 69.68 percent of suicide deaths in 2020.
9. In 2020, firearms accounted for 52.83 percent of all suicide deaths.
10. 93 percent of adults surveyed in the U.S. think suicide can be prevented.

Let's look at number 10: 93 percent of adults surveyed in the U.S. think suicide can be prevented. Ninety-three percent!

I don't know who these adults were that were polled nor what they did professionally or if they are rich, poor, or middle class--but to say that suicide can be prevented is like saying we can prevent forest fires, abortion, sexual abuse, drug abuse, spousal abuse, etc.

Who in their right mind is naive enough to believe that suicide can be prevented?

Perhaps this is what those who were polled meant. On two occasions during the early to mid-80s, I witnessed the face of this evil. 

I am happy to share that the Holy Spirit used me to prevent my friend Larry from succeeding in his attempt to take his life by speaking with him over the telephone. He had taken some pills and then called me once the pills began to affect him. I pleaded with him to hang on. I hung up and called the police and first responders who made it to his residence in time to save him. He survived, thank God.

Regarding my Brother-in-Christ, best friend, and fellow seminarian, Alex, I was not successful. Alex succeeded in taking his life with the aid of a firearm three (3) days after leaving the religious order.

I was never the same after that.

Had it not been for the mercy of God and the prayers of the blue-haired ladies we always see at Church, I would have been lost to that terrible tragedy forever. Who knows, perhaps I would have even gone down that same road.

I am eternally grateful to God for His mercy. Despite what today's culture thinks, "I am nothing without God."

"Okay, that's great for you!" You may be saying. "But where was God when Alex and your nephew needed Him most?"

That is a good and fair question to ask. I am not certain that I can answer the question in a way that will be satisfactory to the one asking.

All I can say is that "I believe..." that God WAS with them. They were just too far gone emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually to sense that He was nearby.

Let's turn that question around. What about us? Where were WE when these souls needed us most, me included!?

How often did we fail to recognize the warning signs or when they told us they were hurting, wounded, and needed help, we made unkind statements, perhaps not intentionally but made them just the same. Statements such as, "You need to grow a pair!" "Dude, you need religion!," "What the hell is wrong with your generation? You guys are so weak. You don't know how to handle life's challenges in the way that we did back in the day."

At that moment who the hell cares about back in the day? "This isn't back in the day pal. It's the present moment."

We call them brother, friend, son, daughter, etc., after they are gone but where were we when THEY needed us most when they were alive?

I get it. Life goes on. We have bills to pay, families to support, obligations to meet, and dreams to fulfill. But at what point do we stop pretending that nothing is wrong always looking the other way, thinking that just praying in the church is enough?

It isn't enough!

Matthew Kelly said it best in one of his videos when he asked, "Who is my neighbor?" "Who is OUR neighbor?" To which he concluded, "And how much more can I do that I am not already doing for my neighbor?" Isn't that exactly what Christ is asking from us in Luke 16:19-31?

I am not pointing fingers because I am just as guilty. Where was I when Alex and my nephew needed me? Where was I when my boy was hurting and needed an understanding and loving father? Not a (please pardon my language) a**hole!

And what about my little brother? Where were we (as a family) when he was hurting and needed us?

We have heard this time and again but I believe it bears repeating. Don't wait until the person is gone to tell them you love them or to call them a brother or to say you should have done more, which implies that you were aware and did little to nothing. After the fact condolences, epitaphs, etc., do nothing for the person in the coffin. They are already gone. They no longer need us in the way they needed us before ending up in that coffin.

We need to make time for them. We need to reach out to them. We need to love and understand them. We need to walk with them. We need to do as my oldest son said, "We need to check in on our loved ones."

I try and do that, perhaps not as often as I should or could. Our precious Anthony is gone. We cannot undo what has already been done. But we can truly learn from this heartbreaking experience and be there for each other.

Stop being angry with your parents. Parents, stop being angry with your children. Stop pointing fingers and only thinking of yourself. Just as you are hurting, so is someone else. "Who is my neighbor?" Everyone is my neighbor, including my family. And as long as God allows life to keep my skin suit functioning, I am going to do my best to learn from this tragedy by putting God first, my neighbor second (which includes family), and me, third.

That will start with my children, grandchildren, siblings, family, and those closest to me.

"Mijo, I am sorry that we were not there for you when you really needed us. I am sorry that you felt this was your only way to be free of whatever it was you were going through. I am sorry that those of us who might have been able to help, let you down. I know your mom, dad, and siblings love you and did everything they could to be there for you. But for some unknown reason, it wasn't enough and for that, as your uncle, I am sorry too. We love you, Mijo." 

God Bless. Rest in peace.

Nino