CMO 55: Sunday Morning Challenge

 

I can't explain what is happening today. It's as if everything has come to a head. I feel like the world's biggest hippocrate. I yap on about faith in God, love for neighbor, do everything with love, stand fast in your faith, pray for your enemies, trust in the Lord, etc. Everything Jesus talked about when He was here I believe in, and yet, here I stand, at the crossroads of life experiencing a life crises and I am falling apart.

Perhaps that is a bit exaggerated. It wouldn't be the first time.

I feel so boxed in. I don't know how many projects in life I have thrown myself into because I believed (in something) and the outcome was always the same -- it led to nothing.

Look at me. I am no better off today (except for that which is provided by the Lord through a very small handful of good people who care enough to put up with me), than I was 20, 30, or 40 years ago.

I own nothing and yet I give everything and still end up with nothing.

Please believe me, I don't like talking or feeling this way, however, life just hit me pretty hard this morning and I don't know how to deal with it.

What happens to me if the Lord takes Mark before me? All of sudden reality sinks in. Now before you say anything, I have been searching for work six years as of the 29th of last month [January]. Six years! Not even Walmart was interested. Sheesh!

I don't mean to paint a bleak picture. It's not like I am homeless and going hungry. All you need do is look at the girth in my mid-section to know that isn't the problem. At least that is what a certain someone reminds me of every now and again.

But hey. It's true. My underwear are a testimony to that fact. They could pass as sheets on a king size bed.

 I know I am NOT the only one with problems. I would be a fool to believe otherwise. The others are who I think of more than myself. I was just telling the Lord this morning how much my heart aches and hurts for all the souls around the globe who are suffering one form of trial after another. Never mind me!

I believe that is part of the challenge of today. I am hurting for all those people. People I can't help but can only pray for. But what good are my prayers if I am feeling like a louse and still sinning? Ugh! It's like a vicious cycle. The enormity of it makes my head hurt sometimes.

I know. I need to take a deep breath, continue praying, trust in the Lord and believe - which I will do. It doesn't make me feel any better, but I would rather focus on the Lord and my neighbors than myself. Surprisingly, it is the only thing that really gives me a sense of peace -- focusing on the Lord and my neighbors.

Sometimes I feel like George Bailey in the movie, "It's A Wonderful Life."

Sometimes.